


My Name is Brian Kinney

by Annie_Eliza



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: 1978, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bars and Pubs, Baseball, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, F/M, Gen, Physical Abuse, Pre-Series, Religion, Religious Brainwashing, Religious Conflict, Religious Discussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 09:06:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4781690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Eliza/pseuds/Annie_Eliza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My name is Brian Kinney. I am 6 years old and in the 1st grade."</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Name is Brian Kinney

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in April, 1978.
> 
> WARNING: Child and spousal abuse as well as a sort of shitty priest who has poisonous ideas about marriage.

_“My name is Brian Kinney. I am six years old and in the 1st grade. I move to Clarksburg, WV from Bethelham, PA because my daddy needed a new job. My daddy works at ankor hocking and makes glass. My mommy works at church. My sister is in 6th grade. Her name is Claire. My sister likes me. My mommy prays with me. My daddy goes out with freinds from work. My favorite food is pizza. My favorite sport is baseball. My daddy likes baseball so I like baseball. I like to swim. I want to learn how to rid a bike. I like scool. I want to be freinds with my new class. This is my third new scool. My tooth fell out on Monday. I have lost 3 teeth. I put it under my pillow. It was there when I got up. I think the tooth fairy dose not know where I live anymore. I hope she calls my mommy and daddy and finds out. I need money. I want it to help my mommy and daddy.”_

 

Brian puts the period at the end of his last sentence and puts the pencil down at the kitchen table. He looks in the other room and sees his mommy sleeping on the couch with a bottle in her hand. He hopes she likes his essay. He had worked on it for a while because his teacher wants it tomorrow. He knows his mommy doesn’t like to be woken up but he wants to see if she likes it. So he hops off his chair and goes into the living room.

 

“Mommy?” Brian says softly, coming by the couch, “Mommy, wake up.”

 

His mommy breathes in heavily, mumbles, but doesn’t open her eyes.

 

“Mommy?” Brian says again, tapping her on the shoulder, “Can you check my homework?”

 

His mommy stirs, slowly opens her eyes, and turns her head to look at him.

 

“Wha, Briannn?” his mommy slurs.

 

“I wrote my essay,” Brian informs her, holding up his paper.

 

His mommy nods, closes her eyes again, and mumbles, “That’s nice, sweetheart.”

 

“Will you read it? I really want you to read it,” Brian says eagerly while smiling. It’s the longest thing he has ever written!

 

“Have your sister check it,” she tells him as she waves him off, her drink sloshing around in the bottle in the process.

 

Disappointed, Brian bows his head. When he does that, he sees the drink starting to slip from his mommy’s hands. Gasping, he catches it. He puts his essay on the floor and carries open bottle to the sink. 

 

He wonders why his mommy and daddy like this stuff so much. Sniffing at it, it smells horrible. Maybe it tastes better. 

 

Curious, Brian takes a sip of the brown liquid.

 

Yuck!

 

Brian quickly puts the bottle down on the counter, runs up onto his stool, and spits it in the sink. He puts water into his hands and drinks from them, trying to get that really bad taste out of his mouth. 

 

Feeling misled, Brian looks over at the bottle and glares at it.

 

“Jim… Beam,” Brian sounds out, “You make really bad drinks, Jim Beam!”

 

Hopping back down from his stool, Brian runs over to grab his essay from the living room floor and heads to the room he shares with his sister.

 

His sister is in their room, listening to records on the small record player they have. She must have finished her homework already. 

 

“Claire,” Brian prompts her, “I need you to read my essay. I really want you to read it. Mommy’s sleeping so she said you had to read it.”

 

Claire sighs as she sits up on her bed, “Give it here.”

 

Brian runs over, hands it to her, then sits on her bed next to her to watch her read it. He wishes Claire would read out loud like he does so he would know what part she was at.

 

“Brian, you misspelled some words.”

 

“But I worked so hard on it!” Brian complains then sighs, “which ones are wrong?”

 

“Bethlehem, Anchor, which also needs to be capitalized along with Hocking because it’s the name of a place and Tooth Fairy needs capitalized because she’s a person; Friends is spelled wrong. Ride, school, and does are too. Oh, and it’s ‘moved’ not ‘move.’”

 

“That’s so many things though! Is it that bad?” Brian asks quietly. 

 

Claire looks at him and takes pity, “No. It’s not that bad. It’s actually really good for your age. I probably couldn’t write this in the first grade.”

 

“Really?” he asks hopefully. 

 

“Sure. Just...go get your pencil. I’ll show you which words to fix.”

 

Brian goes back into the kitchen and gets his pencil. His essay is going to be really good. His sister will help him. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Brian hears his father shouting in the other room, he puts the blanket over his head and tries not to make a sound. He thought things were getting better. It’s been a whole two weeks since his daddy got mad. He doesn’t like it. He gets really scared when his daddy raises his voice and says mean things to him, his mommy, and Claire. 

 

“You never do anything to help!” his mommy cries, “We haven’t paid the electric in almost two months because you spend it all on gambling and at the bars. You’re always drunk! You spend all of our money to get drunk!”

 

“I’m always drunk?!” his daddy yells, “Who the fuck buys your liquor, you whore?!”

 

“Stop it! Don’t touch me!” his mother screams.

 

Brian hears a sharp slap and his mother crying. Biting his lip to hold back a whimper, he squeezes his eyes closed to try to go back to sleep. It doesn’t work.

 

“You ruined my fucking life! Tied me down to you with two damn mistakes. What, was one mistake not enough for you? Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice-”

 

“Stop that! Brian is a good boy!”

 

“He’s another mouth to feed! You should have had him aborted like I wanted you to!”

 

“You know I don’t believe in that! Now, stop it! He’s our son!”

 

Brian puts his hands over his ears to try to block the noise out. It’s muffled but he can still hear the sounds of yelling. Involuntarily, he let out a cry and feels a tear go down his cheek. He knows he’s too big to be scared but he can’t help it.

 

“It’s okay,” he hears Claire say across the the room, “Daddy doesn’t mean it. He is just mad about something because he drank too much.”

 

“W-why does he drink too much if it makes him mad?” Brian cries.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Brian stays silent for a few seconds, the sounds of yelling still heard through the house.

 

“Does Daddy love me?” Brian asks quietly.

 

“...I don’t know.”

 

“Does Daddy love you?”

 

“He told me he did when I was younger. So I think so.”

 

“He never told me before. No one ever has.”

 

Claire lets out a sigh.

 

“Go to sleep, Brian.”

 

Tears welling up in his eyes, Brian sniffles and whispers, “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

 

Claire doesn’t answer him. She probably fell asleep. Maybe if he is really quiet, he can get next to her and she won’t notice. 

 

Tiptoeing out of bed, Brian crosses the room and lies down on the edge of his sister’s bed. He tries to stay really still but Claire groans and says, “Fine!” then lets him in under the covers.

 

“Thank you,” Brian says quietly, putting his hand on hers.

 

“You can’t keep getting in my bed when you get scared, Brian,” his sister says, sounding tired.

 

“I know. I just don’t like the shouting.”

 

“Daddy will shout at you if he sees you acting like a baby.”

 

“I’m not acting like a baby!” Brian exclaims, offended by the insult.

 

“Shhhh!” Claire shushes urgently, “You do NOT want Daddy coming in here right now.”

 

“I’ll be quiet,” Brian whispers quickly, “But I’m not acting like a baby.”

 

“Whatever. Just shut up.”

 

Brian lies next to his sister, extra quiet so that he won’t bother her. He’s usually asleep before her, but not tonight. He has too much stuff going on in his head and he can’t fall asleep. He doesn’t like it and just wishes it would stop.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What can I say, Cassano? A fair game is a fair game,” His daddy boasts, putting the money in his pile.

 

“Whatever, Jack,” Sam Cassano grumbles, “You just got fucking lucky.”

 

The commotion of the four men playing poker starts to die down a little and Brian decides that his daddy won’t get mad if he sneaks in to get some water. He walks through the kitchen, gets his stool to stand on it so that he can get a cup out of the cabinet, and catches his daddy’s eye.

 

“What are you doing up, kid?” his daddy asks, sounding annoyed.

 

“I’m thirsty,” Brian explains, stepping back down, “I’m just getting water.”

 

“You’re not supposed to be out of bed.”

 

“Come on, Jack,” Sam says, “He’s just thirsty. There’s no school tomorrow anyway.”

 

His daddy mutters as he deals out the cards once more and Sam turns to Brian.

 

“How old are you, Brian?”

 

“I’m six,” Brian answers quietly.

 

“Wow, six years old! Great age. I see you’ve lost a couple of teeth!”

 

“Yeah, this one here grew in so it’s a grown up tooth. I lost this one a few weeks ago and this one on Monday,” Brian explains, pointing at his mouth.

 

“Wow! I bet the Tooth Fairy came for great teeth like those!” Sam exclaims.

 

“No,” Brian admits,” “I think she forgot where I lived because we moved three times.”

 

Sam’s smile looks strange as he says, “Well...I bet she’ll figure it out for the next one.”

 

“I hope! My other front tooth is already loose. See?” Brian says, wiggling his tooth a tiny bit.

 

“Brian, go back to your fucking room! No one wants to see your loose tooth!” Jack snaps.

 

Sam turns to glare at the man and shakes his head, “I asked so I want to hear about it.”

 

“Look, don’t encourage the kid,” his daddy says, calming down a bit, “You’re already ditching me on the opening game for the Pirates tomorrow so you have no right to make my kid become an annoying little shit.”

 

Sam looks back and forth between him and his daddy then says, “My little girl has a piano recital. I thought it was next week but it's not. Have you found anyone else to go with you yet?”

 

“No,” his daddy admits, “These two losers are spending the day with their families and aren’t taking the opportunity.”

 

“I promised Carol that I would be over at her parents’ house for lunch,” Jim excuses.

 

“I don’t have the money to spare with the new baby,” Bob admits, “I don’t see how you even got seats that good.”

 

“Won ‘em in a poker game,” his daddy boasts, “Just like I won this pot. I’m on a lucky streak, I’m telling you.”

 

“So if you got them for free, why don’t you just give the extra seat to someone?”

 

“Why the fuck would I do that?” his daddy asks, looking at his hand.

 

“Fuck, Jack. I don’t know...to be nice?” Sam suggests, “I suppose that’s a bit foreign to you though.

 

“Oh shut up, Cassano.”

 

“Why don’t you take your boy?” Sam asks, “I’m sure he would love to go to a baseball game with you.”

 

Brian gasps in excitement and, before he can stop himself he squeals, “I want to go with you, Daddy! That’d be a lot of fun!”

 

“What did I tell you?!” his daddy yells, causing him to shrink away, “Go the FUCK to your room!”

 

Silently, Brian walks over and, with shaky hands, grabs his cup of water. As he walks back into the hall, he hears Sam say, “He’s such a good kid and you’re so mean to him, Jack. Why don’t you do something with him? You may be surprised how fun it is to spend a day with your son.”

 

Brian walks into his and his sister’s bedroom and puts the cup of water on the bedside table.

 

“Claire?” Brian whispers loudly in the darkness.

 

No answer.

 

“Claire?” Brian says again, a little bit louder.

 

“Cla-”

 

“WHAT, Brian?” Claire asks, raising her head up a little.

 

“Did Daddy ever take you to a baseball game?”

 

“...No?”

 

“Oh. Okay,” Brian says, lying back down.

 

“You’re so weird,” Claire mutters, going back to sleep.

 

He glares across the room. He’s not weird. He just wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing out.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wakes up the next morning with a large hand shaking his shoulder.

 

Stirring, he wakes up, rubs his eyes, and sees his daddy standing over him.

 

“What is it, Daddy?” Brian asks.

 

“Go get dressed and bring a couple of books or something for the car,” his daddy sighs.

 

Brian sits up, confused.

 

“Where are we going?” 

 

His daddy glares at him, “The baseball game, stupid. You wanted to go last night and you already fucking forgot?”

 

Brian gasps and squeals before getting up to hug his daddy tightly.

 

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you, Daddy!!!!” Brian shouts, jumping up and down while squeezing the man, “Thank you!”

 

His daddy sighs and pats his head before pushing him off to say, “Would you just do what I tell you and go get ready? Jesus Christ, kid. Grow up.”

 

His daddy walks out of the bedroom and usually Brian would be upset about his daddy calling him stupid and telling him to grow up but he’s much too excited to be sad about it now. Hurrying, he gets ready and even puts on the Pittsburgh Pirates Jersey that he owns with a pair of jeans. He grabs three of his favorite books as well as a coloring book and a pack of crayons to put in his backpack and runs out to the kitchen.

 

“Hi, Mommy!” Brian greets as he sees his mother getting his coffee ready.

 

“Hello, Brian,” she says back, “Sit down at the table and I’ll get you a bowl of cereal.” 

 

Maybe he’s imagining things but she seems a little happier today. 

 

Sitting down, Brian tries not to bounce in his seat as he says, “Daddy’s taking me to the baseball game in Pittsburgh with him!”

 

His mommy nods and smiles, “He said he was taking you. I’m very happy that he had a change of heart. God is so good, Brian. He can heal the wickedness that taints your heart and make you a better man.”

 

Brian nods, not really sure what to say to that, “I’m bringing books for the car ride!”

 

“That’s nice, dear.”

 

His mommy gets a bowl out of the cabinet and pours him his favorite kind of cereal.

 

“Cocoa Puffs?!” Brian laughs, “We never get Cocoa Puffs!”

 

“Well, they were on sale and I decided that you and your sister deserved the treat.”

 

“I love Cocoa Puffs! Thank you, Mommy!”

 

Brian digs in and his daddy comes in a few minutes later to get a piece of toast and a cup of coffee. He even sits down with him to eat! He makes sure he eats his cereal quickly and drinks the chocolate milk left over. He doesn’t want to keep his daddy waiting.

 

“I’ll go brush my teeth and go to the bathroom then I’ll be ready, Daddy,” Brian informs him before going to the bathroom. He does what he needs to do and when he comes back into the kitchen, his daddy is putting his cup in the sink and says, “Come on, Sonny Boy. Time to go.”

 

Brian grabs his books off the table and follows his father to the door.

 

“Jack?” his mommy says softly.

 

His daddy sighs and turns around, “What is it?”

 

“Can I...Can I have a kiss before you go?”

 

His daddy stares at her and doesn’t say anything. Maybe he’s nervous about cooties or something. Brian will show him that it’s okay. 

 

Brian walks over to his mommy and says, “I’ll give you a kiss, Mommy.”

 

His mommy’s eyes fill with tears for a second which is all the more reason to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek when she hesitantly bends down.

 

“I love you, Mommy,” Brian whispers in her ear. 

 

His mother gives him a small smile and nods, “Thank you, Brian.”

 

His daddy clears his throat, “Come on, Sonny Boy. Time to go.”

 

Brian goes back over to his daddy and follows him out the door. Today is going to be a fun day. 

 

The car ride is long. He knew it would be long. It’s even further to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, the last place they lived. But it’s so boring. His daddy has the radio on but he isn’t really talking to him. Brian read all of his books already. He guesses he could read them again but maybe he could think of something of something else to do.

 

“Daddy?” Brian asks.

 

His daddy glances in the rearview mirror, “What, Sonny Boy?”

 

“Wanna play a game? Like ‘I Spy?’” Brian suggests.

 

“Nope.”

 

Brian sighs, “But I’m bored!”

 

“Too damn bad,” his daddy mutters.

 

“...But Daddy-”

 

“Stop calling me “Daddy.” It makes you sound like a baby or a girl. You’re neither of those things, are you?”

 

“...No.”

 

“Well, then stop it. It makes you sound juvenile.”

 

“But what am I supposed to call you?”

 

His daddy sighs, “Dad. Or Jack. I used to call my father Pop. Just quit it with the daddy bullshit.”

 

“Okay, Daddy-I mean, Pop,”

 

His dad- _Pop_ nods, “Good boy.”

 

Brian does what he’s told after that and doesn’t make a sound until they pull into the stadium parking lot.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m so excited, Daddy!”

 

Jack glares down at him and he shrinks at the mistake he made so he tries to fix it.

 

“Will we get hot dogs and soda, Pop?” Brian asks, taking his hand.

 

“Sure, whatever,” his Pop mutters.

 

“He’s so cute!” the lady in front of him says, “Is this his first game?”

 

Brian looks up and sees his pop straighten up and get a big grin on his face, “It sure is! My little man seems to be taking after me when it comes to having a love of baseball. Are you a fan?”

 

The lady rolls her eyes, “I suppose I have formed an appreciation for it. My son here is fanatic over it so if it makes him happy then it makes me happy.”

 

Jack nods, “That’s the way everyone should be with their kids...Is his father as big of a fan as the two of you are?”

 

“Oh, he is!” the lady laughs, “He’s a Pittsburgh cop and is on duty for stadium security today. Hopefully no one gets too rowdy so he can stop by and say hello to us!”

 

The lady and her son move ahead when the line moves and his pop leans down.

 

“Now that is a woman. Look at that body,” his pop says quietly, whistling, “I swear, all the good ones are taken.”

 

“Like Mommy’s taken?” Brian presses. 

 

His pop scowls, “Don’t try to put a damper on the conversation by bringing up your mother and shaming me, Sonny Boy. Monogamy is not realistic. Remember that or you’ll be stuck like I am.”

 

His pop stands all the way back up and puts a hand on Brian’s back to move him forward in line. Brian takes a look at the lady and he doesn’t think she looks that pretty. He doesn’t think any girls are that pretty but he really doesn’t see what’s so special about _her_.

 

He doesn’t have to sit next to the lady though because when they get inside they go and sit in a different section. Good.

 

“Look at this view, Sonny Boy!” his pop calls out as they sit down, “God, what a win that hand was!”

 

Brian sits next to his pop and looks around, waiting for the baseball players to come onto the field.

 

“A few things you need to know,” Jack says, leaning in, “That’s first base, that’s second, that’s third, and that’s home plate. The batter hits from the home plate and if he hits the ball, he starts running. If the person on one of the bases gets the ball before he’s safe on the base, he’s out. If he makes it all the way around, it’s a home run.”

 

Brian nods eagerly, taking all the information in, “What if he doesn’t hit the ball?”

 

“Then that’s a strike. Unless he doesn’t move. Then it’s called ball.”

 

“Oh. Okay,” Brian says, not really understanding that last part. 

 

“It’s going to be a good time, Sonny Boy!” his pop exclaims, patting him on the back. 

 

The players come out onto the field and people cheer, including his pop, so Brian gets up and cheers too. They sit back down and start to watch the game.

 

Brian asks a few questions once in awhile so he knows what is going on but he’s having a really good time! His pop is pointing at hits and laughing and cheering when a Pirates player does a good job. He even goes over to get them hot dogs and coke! Brian barely ever gets to drink soda. It tastes so good, he doesn’t know why his parents can’t just buy that instead. 

 

“Oh, they have Ott on now,” his pop says, excited and waiting for a good hit, “He’s good, Sonny Boy. He’s really good.”

 

Brian watches closely as Ott gets ready to bat up. The pitcher throws the ball, Ott hits it, and the ball goes so fast that it's practically flying!

 

"It's coming for us, Sonny Boy!" His pop shouts as he picks him up and puts him on his shoulders, "Try to catch it!"

 

Brian giggles and holds his hands up. He _has_ to catch that ball!

 

"It's coming! Come on, Sonny Boy!" his pop cheers.

 

And Brian does the most amazing thing he's ever done. He catches it! His small fingers grip the ball and he cheers, "I caught it, Daddy! I caught it!" 

 

Even though he slipped and called him Daddy, his pop doesn't seem to mind, "Yeah, you did, Sonny Boy! That is a collector's item right there!" 

 

The people sitting around him congratulate him and his pop sits there with pride in his eyes, saying to people, "That's my boy! He's gonna be the next big thing, I'm telling you!"

 

It's the best day Brian has ever had.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His Pop is pretty happy on the way back to the car. They got their baseball signed by Ott after the Pirates won 12-4 and his pop even took Brian’s picture with him! Brian's gonna hang it in his room once his pop gets the film developed.

 

"Thank you for taking me, Pop," Brian tells him sincerely, "Going made me really happy and I had a lot of fun!"

 

His pop looks down and actually smiles, "Yeah, it was a good day, huh? Too bad I have to go back to the old ball and chain, Saint Joan."

 

Brian looks down and doesn't say anything. He doesn't like it when his pop talks about his mommy like that.

 

"Get in the back seat. Try to take a nap or something. It's already 8 o'clock," his pop says, getting up front.

 

Brian nods and lies down in the back. He watches the sky darken as his pop drives and holds his breath as they go through the tunnel.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian wakes up when he feels his pop tap him on the leg.

 

"We home already?" Brian slurs.

 

"No. We're just over the border so we're a little less than an hour from home. I'm gonna stop in and visit an old friend. We used to live in this area when you were about 2. I used to come here all the time to get away from your mom. I'll be back in a bit."

 

Brian sits up and looks out the window. There's nothing around but a small roadside bar. It looks dark and scary outside.

 

"I'll come in with you," Brian says.

 

"No, you won't," his pop snaps, "Kids aren't allowed inside. Now I don't want you moving a muscle. I don't want anyone to see you in the car so you fucking keep your head down and go back to sleep. The only reason I woke you up was because I knew you would act like a damn baby if you had woken up on your own and I wasn't here."

 

"But Daddy-" Brian starts, reaching out to him.

 

"What did I fucking tell you about calling me that?!" his pop roars as he grips onto his wrist before pushing him back into the seat, "Now do as I say okay, Sonny Boy?" 

 

Afraid, Brian nods silently as he holds his right wrist to his chest.

 

"It's about 9:30 now. I will be gone an hour tops. I will be back before you know it."

 

"...Okay," Brian agrees hesitantly. 

 

His pop gets out of the car and shuts the door. 

 

And then he's alone. 

 

He knows he shouldn't be scared so he tries not to be. He wishes he had a clock to keep track of the time. He learned to do that this year and he has to admit that it's very useful. He will do what he's told by going to sleep, even though it's really starting to get cold. He puts his arms inside of his jersey to try to warm up, keeps his head down, and closes his eyes.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian shivers when he wakes up again. His pop still isn't back so he must have not been asleep very long. Even though he's not supposed to, he sits back up to look back outside to see if he's out in the parking lot or not. He's not and there are a lot less cars out there too. He's not sure what he's supposed to do.

 

He waits there for a really long time. He can't read because it's too dark and he can't color either. So he just sits there. He tries to cheer himself up by thinking about the game and catching the ball. He thinks of things he's learned in school and being able to swim this summer too. He tries anything to make the time pass and the time must pass because a couple of more people leave yet Dadd-Pop doesn't. Why won't he come out? 

 

Out of curiosity, Brian tries the door handle and see that it’s unlocked. He thinks about stepping out and going inside but he’s too scared that his pop will get mad at him so he quickly shuts the door. 

 

What if he left? Brian doesn’t know how he would have gone anywhere else but what if he got a ride and left Brian here? At the thought, Brian’s eyes start to well up.

 

 _"No. Stop crying,”_ he thinks. His pop wouldn’t do that.

 

But more and more time passes and Brian knows it’s been a really long time. He thinks about going back to sleep when he sees a cop car drive into the lot. 

 

He puts his head down but still peeks out the window. The cop goes inside the bar and, a few minutes later, He comes out with Pop! Pop is walking really funny and he falls down. The cop yanks him up and he starts to lead him to the police car.

 

Extremely frightened that he would be left there, Brian opens the door and overhears what the cop says.

 

“Jesus, Kinney. I thought you skipped town. You can call your wife in the morning to pick you up from the drunk tank. Again.”

 

His pop mumbles as he is pushed in the back of the police car.

 

“Daddy!” Brian panics, running out of the back seat and towards the police car.

 

The cop looks at him, back at his pop, and back at him again before getting an angry look on his face.

 

“You brought your fucking kid to the bar, Jack?” 

 

His pop looks at him with unfocused eyes and slurs, “Youuu lil s-shittt! I tol you to stay ‘n the car outta sigh and outta mind!”

 

Brian takes a couple of steps back, “I was scared.”

 

“You’re a real piece of work, Kinney,” the cop frowns then sighs, “Hop up front, kid. I don’t want you to see your dad like this.”

 

“But I’m not supposed to sit in the front seat,” Brian says. 

 

“Well, I’m making an exception,” the cop smiles.

 

Brian nods and goes to the other side of the car to climb in up front. The cop says some things to his pop and Brian shrinks down in his seat when the cop gets the cuffs out. As the cop drives them to the station, he tries to ignore the mean things his pop says.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian’s asleep in a chair behind the desk clerk when his mommy and Claire come in.

 

“Where’s Brian?” she calls out, waking Brian up, “Where’s my son?”

 

“Here I am, Mommy,” he says quietly, standing up.

 

Brian goes around the desk to meet her. He is really surprised when she picks him up and wraps him up in a hug. She hasn’t done that in a really long time.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, “I’m so sorry. You must have been so afraid.”

 

Brian sniffles and holds onto her tight, “He didn’t come back.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“Why did he leave me?”

 

His mommy doesn’t answer and puts him back down. 

 

“Didn’t think I would see you around here again. I heard you moved somewhere in Pennsylvania,” the cop comments.

 

“We did and now we’re in Clarksburg,” his mother says coldly, “I had a friend drive us up. If you could please get Jack-”

 

“Jack’s in jail,” the cop says to her firmly.

 

“He’s in the drunk tank,” she says, “You know how he is-”

 

“He was read his rights because of child neglect. Charges that will probably get dropped yet again due to the fact that Jack used to be buddies with the chief but the chief won’t be back from vacation until Monday. Until then, I’m in charge. If you want to get him out then you’ll have to pay his bail.”

 

“How much is it?” his mommy mutters.

 

“Four Hundred Dollars.”

 

“But we’ll have to get into our savings for that,” his mommy stresses, putting a hand to her forehead. 

 

“Then just leave him until the chief gets back. It may give your family a nice break.”

 

“You know I won’t do that!” his mommy snaps, “The banks won’t even be open until Monday.”

 

“Guess you’ll have to wait then,” the cop shrugs.

 

His mommy lets out a shaky sigh then takes his and Claire’s hands. 

 

“Aren’t we getting Daddy?” Claire asks.

 

“On Monday,” his mommy answers as she leads them outside.

 

Brian sees Sam sitting in the driver’s seat of the car and follows his sister into the back seat.

 

“Hey buddy,” Sam greets softly, 

 

Brian doesn't answer and leans his head against his sister's shoulders.His mommy looks back at them and sadly sighs before saying, "Thank you for doing this, Sam. I don't think I will ever be able to repay you. 

 

Sam shrugs, "What else was I supposed to do at 3 o'clock in the morning?"

 

"Is it that late?" 

 

"Sure is. You sure you want me to take you back to the car? You good to drive the kids home?"

 

"I'm fine, Sam."

 

Sam drives back to the bar and he and Claire follow Mommy back to the car so that they can follow Sam back to Clarksburg.

 

His mommy turns around again, "Get some rest. Just try to forget about tonight, say a prayer to yourself, and shut your eyes."

 

As his mommy starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot, Brian looks up at Claire and she seems to be doing what she's told. Brian tries to think of what to say to God.

 

_Dear God,_

 

_Thank you for telling my mommy that she needed to come get me. Thank you for making sure she wasn't drinking like my pop was tonight. Thank you for telling the police officer to keep him longer. I'm afraid of Pop and I don't want him in the house tonight. He wasn't nice and didn't make sense in the police car. I didn't like him. Thank you for letting me catch the ball today and making Pop nice then. Can you make him nice all the time? Amen."_

 

After his silent prayer, Brian rests his head against Claire's shoulder and falls asleep.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite not sleeping well, Mommy gets them up for church the next morning. 

 

"We need God's guidance more than ever," she says firmly as they struggle to get out of bed, "I also called Father Donovan for an emergency conference after the service. Just for the three of us. Now get up, Claire. I want you to go get a shower first then get your brother up and ready."

 

Claire grumbles as she gets out of bed and gets the clothes their mommy laid out for her before going to the bathroom. Brian is glad Mommy chose Claire. That way he can lay in bed until Claire gets out of the bathroom.

 

All too soon, Claire is up and she’s making Brian get up too. She makes him take a quick bath, gets him dressed, and then Mommy gives them each a banana so they can be out the door.

 

Church feels too long, just like always. He doesn’t like the music and he doesn’t like what they talk about all that much. It’s boring. He likes Sunday school better but they missed that today so it’s just church. He just wants to fall asleep and there’s a couple of times where he starts to nod off against his Mommy’s shoulder but she’ll tap his leg or make him sit up straight to wake him up then whisper, “This is the most important education you’ll get, Brian. I know you’re tired but try to stay awake. You can take a nap when we get home.”

 

So, for his mommy, he really does try to stay up. When church lets out, they keep sitting in their pew and wait for Father Donovan to finish saying goodbye to the crowd, which takes forever. He ends up laying down on the pew because he’s tired of waiting only to doze off. Claire shakes him awake and he gets up to see Father Donovan smiling at him.

 

“Looks like your little boy is a bit sleepy, Mrs. Kinney,” Father Donovan says. 

 

“...He had a very eventful night last night. He usually loves your service but I’m afraid he just didn’t get enough sleep.”

 

“That’s quite alright. Here, come with me to my office and we’ll talk.”

 

They follow Father Donovan through the Cathedral and in a room off to the side with a desk, a couch and a couple of chairs.

 

“Here, sit down. Now tell me what is on your mind, Mrs. Kinney,” Father Donovan requests as he sits behind the desk.

 

“Please, call me Joan,” she says, sitting down with her children, “I...I’m not sure where to begin.”

 

“What is troubling you to the point where you felt you needed to seek guidance?” 

 

His mommy looks down, “...It’s my husband. Jack. He...He harbors a lot of resentment and hate in his heart. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t spend time with the children. I don’t like saying this in front of them but he’s mean to them. He gets violent with us at times. He drinks heavily. I’ve started drinking almost as much due to it being in the house. Last night he left Brian in a car on the side of the road for five hours to go drink at a bar. The only reason he didn’t stay there the whole night was because the owner called the police to have him held at the station until he sobered up. Brian got out when he saw the officer because he was afraid his father was going to leave him. That caused the situation to get more complicated. He’s being held until I can get the money to bail him out on Monday. But Father, I don’t know what else to do. I am starting to become afraid of him. The children are too.

 

Father Donovan sighs and looks his mommy in the eyes, “Your husband sounds troubled, Joan.”

 

“He is,” his mommy agrees, “He is very troubled.”

 

“But it sounds as if you are having second thoughts about him.”

 

His mommy looks away, “He won’t try to better himself. I don’t see what else I can do.”

 

“Ask him to come to church. I offer counseling services.”

 

“Jack would never agree to that.”

 

“Not even to save your marriage?” Father Donovan asks.

 

Joan shakes her head, “He doesn’t care about our marriage. He resents that he married me.”

 

Father Donovan looks at Claire and Brian, “Kids, why don’t you step outside for a second?”

 

Brian and Claire get up and go outside the door and Father Donovan gently shuts it.

 

“What do you think they are talking about?” Brian asks his sister.

 

Claire shrugs, “Only one way to find out.”

 

Claire puts her ear against the door so Brian does too. The voices are muffled but they can make out the words being said.

 

“Joan, correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems as though you may be having second thoughts about your marriage.”

 

Their mommy stays silent before finally saying, “I know. I know it’s against the word of God. But if the marriage was potentially harmful to the children, do you think God would make an exception?”

 

Father Donovan sighs, “Joan, I understand that things can get rough. But the Lord works in mysterious ways. There was a reason he brought you and Jack together. Are you accusing the Lord of making a mistake?”

 

“Of course not, Father. I am just unsure that this marriage can be fixed. I worry about my safety. I worry about my children’s safety.”

 

“Has he ever threatened your life?”

 

“...No, he hasn’t done that.”

 

“I know it may be hard to understand your husband’s reasoning and ways, but some men feel corporal punishment is best to keep the wife and children in line. He is the head of the household and there is no question about that. In Ephesians the Bible says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” You must submit to your husband for all of his needs and not question him. Your children must respect him and recognize him as the decision maker. It is your job to show them this by submitting and keeping him happy.”

 

“...So you’re saying that the reason he is so unhappy and abusive is because I am not submitting to him? Is that why he drinks?”

 

“I’m sure that’s not the only reason. But remember this: Behind every great man is a supportive woman. He may be more inclined to not punish you and the children if you set an example. He might not feel the need to drink.”

 

Their mommy stays silent and Father Donovan says softly, “Divorce is a sin, Joan. And if you would ever marry another man, that would be seen as adultery. The Catholic Church does not condone either of these sins. They are unforgivable in the eyes of the Lord since they are irreversible. Do not anger the Lord, Joan. He loves you and wants you to serve your husband. You know that’s the woman’s place. We love having you and your children here. I would never want you to be excommunicated.”

 

“I do, I do know that. And that’s the last thing I want. I...I suppose you’re right. The burden is on me. I will try harder. I am sorry for wasting your time, Father.”

 

“Joan, you never waste my time. And please, try to get your husband to come in for a service. The family that worships together stays together.”

 

Their mommy says her goodbyes to Father Donovan and Claire and Brian quickly back away from the door. 

 

“Tell Father Donovan you’ll see him next Sunday, kids.”

 

“Bye Father Donovan. See you next Sunday,” Claire says.

 

“See you next Sunday,” Brian mumbles.

 

“Have a blessed day, Children.”

 

The three of them walk outside and to the car for a silent ride home.

 

When they get back, their mommy makes lunch and they sit around the table. Brian has a lot of questions to ask. He’s confused by what he heard. He doesn’t understand how it can be his mommy’s fault that his daddy is mean. He knows he can’t ask though because that would prove that he was listening through the door.

 

“Mom?” Claire prompts, “Are you divorcing Daddy?”

 

Their mommy looks up from her plate, “No, Claire. I’m not divorcing your father.”

 

“But you are so upset with him.”

 

Their mommy sighs, “I haven’t been the perfect wife or mother. I realize that I haven’t been doing my God given task as his wife by tending to his needs to make him happy. His temper and punishment are brought on by the fact that I have not set the example as a dutiful wife. And you both need to be dutiful children. God made man first. Your father is the head of this house. He isn’t perfect but he is above us. What you witnessed was a moment of weakness on my part.”

 

“Daddy’s mean to you,” Brian blurts out, “He’s mean to all of us. He’s the reason why he’s mean. Not you or me.”

 

“Brian, sweetheart, I don’t expect you to understand. You’re too young. One day, when you grow up to be a God-fearing man and with a wife of your own, you will understand how the order of power should be. Until then, you must listen to your father, respect him, and accept any words or punishments he sees fit.”

 

“He says mean things for no reason!” Brian fumes.

 

“Brian, stop it,” Claire says, “Mom’s right. We have to listen to Daddy. Maybe then he’ll be nicer and realize how much we love him.”

 

His mother pats Claire on the arm and says, “I think we should say a prayer for our family, don’t you think? We’ll ask God to guide us in our roles in helping your father.”

 

He wants to believe them. He wants to believe that things will get better. But even as he takes Mommy’s and Claire’s hands and bows his head, he just thinks that they won’t.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He and Claire walk to Morgan School on Monday morning. He likes school even though he hasn’t had a chance to make a best friend. He likes learning so he doesn’t mind going or even getting up early for it. But he has butterflies in his stomach all day because his Daddy is coming home today. The thought of it makes him so nervous and it’s hard to concentrate. He got a check mark because he lost his place when he was called on during class time reading, which made him sad. He just couldn’t pay attention today. Not with Daddy coming back. He also needs to make sure he starts calling him Pop again, even inside his head. He doesn’t want to make him mad. 

 

Claire meets him on the steps after school and they walk the four blocks back home. They let themselves into the house and freeze when they see Pop come down the hallway from his room. 

 

He spots the two of them and Claire talks first, “Hi, Daddy.”

 

Pop doesn’t even look at her. All he says is, “Go to your room, Claire.”

 

Claire does what she’s told and hurries along. Brian makes a move to follow her but feels Pop’s hand grip his arm tight and yank him back.

 

“You didn’t listen to me,” he growls, “I told you to stay put in the fucking car and look what you caused. Two fucking days in jail! That is the last time I will ever take you anywhere. What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

He knows what he should say. He should say that he’s really sorry and that he’ll never disobey him again. But, for the first time in his life, he feels a rush of anger at his pop and he _pushes_ at his stomach and growls, “You also said you would come back and you didn’t! It’s your fault you went to jail! It’s because you’re mean! You’re a mean ma-”

 

When his pop backhands him in the mouth, he hears it before he feels it. But it’s the taste of blood overwhelming his taste buds and the throbbing of his lip that makes his eyes fill with tears. He looks towards the living room for his mommy but she is looking away and not making a sound. 

 

“Get out of my sight,” his pop seethes. 

 

Brian rushes into the bathroom and shuts the door before he lets the tears fall down his face. He bites his lip to keep from making noise and feels his tooth fall loose into his mouth at the movement. 

 

Brian spits it out into his hand and looks at it. It’s his other front tooth, covered in blood. He probably should wash it off so that the Tooth Fairy won’t get blood on her. 

 

But instead, he walks over to the trash can and throws the tooth away.

 

The Tooth Fairy doesn’t know where he lives anymore so there’s no point in keeping it. And even if she did know, he’s sure she wouldn’t want to come over anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to SunshineSally! Thank you for the plot bunny!


End file.
